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Dec 23 2014

Space, Time and Christmas

Time as experienced in the run up to Christmas

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As anyone who has watched a Brian Cox documentary or a sci-fi film will know, the speed with which time passes is relative to the observer. Factors like gravity from massive bodies and velocity (especially when approaching the speed of light) can all affect the rate at which time is experienced. In fact the effects of velocity on time have been demonstrated in a number of experiment including this one.

 

Observation

Us few hardy souls still heroically manning the desks at CONJECT this week have noticed that time seems to be passing at a much slower rate than usual so I decided to conduct some highly scientific research as to what could be causing this phenomenon.

 

Testing

Getting out of bed this morning I felt no heavier than could be attributed to the mince pies and a quick Google search confirmed my initial suspicions; the earth had not become more massive overnight. A quick look up at the sky further confirmed that the earth was not wheeling through the solar system at close to the speed of light (thankfully as hitting even a small rock at 50% of the speed of light would be very, very bad, let alone hitting Mars…).

With the usual suspects ruled out the next step is to look for other anomalies in the environment and here there is an obvious suspect; the Christmas holidays. A quick check with friends and colleagues confirmed that the phenomenon was only being experienced by those in the office between the 22nd and 24th. Those lucky/careful enough with their holiday to be on leave seem to be totally unaffected.

 

Conclusion

Christmas clearly has a relativistic effect that slows the passage of time as experienced by those currently in the office (or other places of work). The exact mechanism of this effect is currently poorly understood, some theories suggest that the massive amount of food to be consumed is having some sort of gravitational effect that is being transmitted backwards in time, possibly involving tachyons or something else equally weird.

Another explanation is that the abundance of tinsel and Christmas lights when combined with the false, saccharine cheer of endless Christmas adverts tears a rift in space and time meaning the laws of physics as we know them  no longer apply.

A final explanation is that rather than something which sounds like the plot (or should that be plot hole?) of a Doctor Who episode, the approach of any holiday slows a worker’s personal time stream. More research will clearly be needed in the summer holiday season.

One thing our research team were certain of is that time will rapidly accelerate from the 5th of January 2015 and you will be sitting there at 5pm on the Monday wondering where the hours went and how you can possibly have only cleared a third of your inbox so enjoy it while it lasts.

*Note: Due to a technical error the attendant graph was not able to display how slowly time is passing for my friend spending Christmas on an oil rig in the North Sea

About the author

Michelle Mason

Michelle Mason leads the UK and MEAP Marketing team, with far too many years in B2B marketing to mention. A CONJECT newbie, Michelle is eagerly climbing a steep learning curve.

View my LinkedIn profile:
http://uk.linkedin.com/in/michellemason04

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